Michael Spencer has to be one of the funniest folk in Christendom. His review of Hanks’ and Howard’s Da Vinci Code is très drôle.
I wanted Forrest Gump to appear and say something intelligent. I wanted to be on that island in “Castaway.” I wanted Wilson to appear as a clue. I wanted Sheriff Taylor and Barney to arrest somebody. I wanted to watch about a dozen movies that guy playing the French cop has been in. I wanted Spiderman to appear and tell Doc Oct that his evil plot was over. I wanted Robin Williams to appear and do anything. I wanted popcorn. A hot dog. I wanted medication. I wanted to go blind. Deaf. I wanted a pistol. A paper on which to write a last note. I wanted to watch Oprah. I wanted to be surrounded by my friends and loved ones and say, ‘See ya, suckas.”
And he provides some necessary advice to Pastors who feel the need to preach against this blockbusting dud.
A word to preachers: You’ve been snuckered. If you waste four sermons explaining this movie to your people, you might want to consider that the time would be better spent answering REAL questions about Jesus. The people in your church who believe the New Testament is a lie, the church suppressed the truth of Jesus’ marriage and the descendants of Jesus are having tea and crumpets in English church yards is surely small. If you are still compelled to preach on this Hollywood train wreck, then plan future series on the Loch Ness monster and NASA’s conspiracy to fake the moon landings. In fact, I’d suggest you start listening to old “Art Bell Coast to Coast” programs, and have your services at 2 a.m. when moonbats are most likely to appear.
The film scores a wondrous 18% on Rotten Tomatos – with only a 9% amongst RT’s Cream of the Crop reviewers:
“The most controversial thriller of the year turns out to be about as exciting as watching your parents play Sudoku.” — Ann Hornaday, WASHINGTON POST
‘Twill be interesting to see the impact this has on the movies receipts – as Sony is spending a reported 100 million USD on promoting this film on top of the $125,000,000 spent on production. I hope it hurts them “real good.” Kinda serves ’em right, dontcha think. (Apparently they didn’t think!)
And give me a break with the hair, Hanks!
The iMonk recommends you read Amy Welborn:
Tom Hanks should never speak to Ron Howard again. Or his agent. What a dreadful, dreadful part for him, and I hope his lips have come un-pursed by now. I’m worried about that.
UPDATE: As my buddy, Susan, points out in the comments, Amy links to The Norman Rockwell Code – completely hilarious (and as Susan says at her blog, wait for the movie which comes right after The Toll trailer.)