iMonk Reviews Duh Vinci Dud

kinnon —  May 20, 2006 — 5 Comments

Michael Spencer has to be one of the funniest folk in Christendom. His review of Hanks’ and Howard’s Da Vinci Code is très drôle.

I wanted Forrest Gump to appear and say something intelligent. I wanted to be on that island in “Castaway.” I wanted Wilson to appear as a clue. I wanted Sheriff Taylor and Barney to arrest somebody. I wanted to watch about a dozen movies that guy playing the French cop has been in. I wanted Spiderman to appear and tell Doc Oct that his evil plot was over. I wanted Robin Williams to appear and do anything. I wanted popcorn. A hot dog. I wanted medication. I wanted to go blind. Deaf. I wanted a pistol. A paper on which to write a last note. I wanted to watch Oprah. I wanted to be surrounded by my friends and loved ones and say, ‘See ya, suckas.”

And he provides some necessary advice to Pastors who feel the need to preach against this blockbusting dud.

A word to preachers: You’ve been snuckered. If you waste four sermons explaining this movie to your people, you might want to consider that the time would be better spent answering REAL questions about Jesus. The people in your church who believe the New Testament is a lie, the church suppressed the truth of Jesus’ marriage and the descendants of Jesus are having tea and crumpets in English church yards is surely small. If you are still compelled to preach on this Hollywood train wreck, then plan future series on the Loch Ness monster and NASA’s conspiracy to fake the moon landings. In fact, I’d suggest you start listening to old “Art Bell Coast to Coast” programs, and have your services at 2 a.m. when moonbats are most likely to appear.

The film scores a wondrous 18% on Rotten Tomatos – with only a 9% amongst RT’s Cream of the Crop reviewers:

“The most controversial thriller of the year turns out to be about as exciting as watching your parents play Sudoku.” — Ann Hornaday, WASHINGTON POST

‘Twill be interesting to see the impact this has on the movies receipts – as Sony is spending a reported 100 million USD on promoting this film on top of the $125,000,000 spent on production. I hope it hurts them “real good.” Kinda serves ’em right, dontcha think. (Apparently they didn’t think!)

TomhanksAnd give me a break with the hair, Hanks!

The iMonk recommends you read Amy Welborn:

Tom Hanks should never speak to Ron Howard again. Or his agent. What a dreadful, dreadful part for him, and I hope his lips have come un-pursed by now. I’m worried about that.

UPDATE: As my buddy, Susan, points out in the comments, Amy links to The Norman Rockwell Code – completely hilarious (and as Susan says at her blog, wait for the movie which comes right after The Toll trailer.)

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A television editor, writer & director since 1978. A Christian since 1982. More than a little frustrated with the Church in the West since late in the last millennium.

5 responses to iMonk Reviews Duh Vinci Dud

  1. Interesting numbers on the Da Vinci Code… only 18% on Rotten Tomatoes is very disappointing for sure. Unfortunately, the movie will probably still turn a profit, which means we’ll be treated to more of the same from Hollywood studios in the future.

  2. The Da Vinci Code is now in Ishtar territority – Ishtar actually scores 19% @ Rotten Tomatos – beating DVC by a full percentage point. I think Sony will take a hit on their bottom line – instead of the hit they hoped they’d have in the movie. But, you’re right, Bill, Hollyweird will continue to produce films that take aim at Christians. We are a faith group who don’t tend to fight back.

  3. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like “Da Vinci” will approach “Ishtar” .. for all its faults, that movie was actually very funny in stretches .. I just feel bad for la belle Audrey Tautou, who just looks vaguely annoyed in all the press material

  4. Amy’s review includes a link to the far superior “The Normal Rockwell Code.”
    Hilarious: and I haven’t even seen the movie.

    It’s linked now at my blog as well.


  5. I think Christians fought this battle and won this battle. No matter what you think of the novel or the movie, nearly 50 million people have read The Da Vinci Code, and, according to surveys, at least half of them believed what they read. The appropriate way to fight this was not to stick our heads in the sands. Instead the majority of evangelicals churches decided to fight ignorance with historical facts and in the end the evangelical church came out of this looking alert, informed, and unafraid, while the movie looks dull and irrelevant. Way to go Church!


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