Traveling Etiquette

kinnon —  June 25, 2006 — 6 Comments

I’ve spent a lot of time flying in the last month and I have a few points I’d like to make.

  1. If you’re traveling with pre-teens, please duct tape their legs together and then to their seat. That way they won’t be able to kick the back of my chair for the entire overnight flight. (I should note that I did see a tall adult woman on the Minneapolis-Boise flight use the seat in front of her as a knee rest – shaking the stuffing out of the non-complaining older woman in front of her – but at least the tall woman was comfortable. Her husband might want to consider bringing duct tape, however, especially if she ever sits behind me.)
  2. If you have a small bladder, do not and I repeat do not book a window seat. Really, disturbing me once during an overnight flight is completely understandable…but six times!
  3. If you need to get up from the window seat during the flight, the seats in front of you are not meant to support you. Oddly enough, there are people sleeping in them. Your grabbing them to get up and then steady yourself is not conducive to friendly passenger relationships.
  4. Listen, I’m really happy that you’re an E in the Myers-Briggs personality profile, but the person sitting beside you, the one you’ve just met, is not your new best friend – and the six rows around you don’t need to hear your life story. Bring a note pad. Write your conversation. Or just give him your blog address. You do have a blog, don’t you?
  5. Being rude and pushing your way to the front of the line to get off the plane will not ensure your bags arrive any earlier on the belt. (I’m sorry Mr. Canadian Business Man that it took longer for your bags to come off the Toronto London flight…really, I am.)
  6. Have your landing card filled out before you get to the Customs agent – that’s why they give it to you on the plane long before you land. The rest of us don’t need to wait in line while you fill it out.
  7. And finally, if you’re going to be traveling for an extended period of time, consider using an extra strength deodorant. Especially if you’re going to push your way up against me while we both wait for our bags to arrive. I’d crush you if I fell over – and I came awfully close.

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A television editor, writer & director since 1978. A Christian since 1982. More than a little frustrated with the Church in the West since late in the last millennium.

6 responses to Traveling Etiquette

  1. Welcome back Bill. Hopefully every flight you take didn’t include everything on this list. OUCH!

    Duct tape? That’ll leave a mark!

    Welcome home, and take care of yourself. I’m glad you’re safe and sound at home.

  2. Bill,
    Another one: On an overnight flight, don’t eat beans before you fall asleep and then pass very stinky gas all night causing other passengers to gag.

  3. duct tape? Good idea, I was thinking that crazy glue would work too.

  4. I just returned from a trip to the midwest, so I’d like to add one more: Upon landing, every detail of your life does not need to be communicated to someone. I’m referring to those cellphone users who, the minute the plane pulls up to the gate, must call someone to let them know, “the plane has landed.” “We’re at the gate.” “I’m unfastening my seat belt!” “I’ll call you again when I get inside.” “I’ll call you again when I get to baggage claim.” Good grief.

  5. Wow, feel better getting that off your chest? I was LOL by #5. However, I was surprised that there was no #8 about crying children. But, perhaps you’re a bit like me. After having kids, I became a lot more tolerant about that one. On one flight I even offered to hold a total strangers child, 10 rows back traveling with her mom so she could get a break, because the child was non-stop Winnipeg to Toronto. I can definitely relate to the seat kicking which is very annoying.

  6. Garry, you wanna talk about kids! How about the triplets on our flight back from Boise. When one started crying, they all chimed in.

    I know this only from the report afterwards. I slept right through the three hour flight.


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