Missional® Level® Marketing®

kinnon —  February 20, 2010 — 31 Comments

'Cuz some of us little people need to make money from this missional marketing thing, too.

Leave a note in the comments if you want me to sign you up.

Many territories still available, but don't delay. Spots are filling up quickly.

MLM-presents-Missional-Shampoo-2
Note we no longer support Emergent® Level® Marketing® – market's gotten a wee bit too small and rather over-saturated.

kinnon

Posts

A television editor, writer & director since 1978. A Christian since 1982. More than a little frustrated with the Church in the West since late in the last millennium.

31 responses to Missional® Level® Marketing®

  1. Bill, you break me up man. Sign me up for a franchise.

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  2. To Whom It May Concern,

    I am interested in an exclusive agreement to represent your product in New York State, not including NYC and its surrounds. Please contact me at your soonest convenience so we can discuss terms.

    Regards,

    Mike

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  3. I tell you people. THEY ARE GOING FAST!! GET IN AT THE BOTTOM. PROPHETS ALMOST GUARANTEED.

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  4. Cascadia is gone, folks.(That’d be BC, Washington State and Oregon.) YOU’D BETTER HURRY.

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  5. uh, we need a second product to really make this go. I’m thinking something that can put some real hair on our theology – like a Missional Rogaine or something – but then again Bill, you wouldn’t understand us hair challenged folk (I include Brian McL in this).

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  6. Fitch, as my recently appointed Director of Marketing and Future Initiatives (you may not have received the memo), I am shocked that you would let that cat out of the bag this soon. Especially as we are in deep negotiations with Tim Keller right now. And the term is "folically-changed" – or did you not see the latest marketing piece. And I'm a candidate for our other new hair care product line, Newbigin's "When Your Hair's Almost Perfect" series of Missional Head Case Products.

    And don't forget the Newbigin's Missional Nose & Ear Hair Remover.

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  7. It’s organic, right? And do you test on animals?

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  8. Sarah, I wish I could tell you it's organic. But someone has already claimed the "Missional-Organic" space. So we aren't allowed to tell you whether it's organic or not. And we would never do animal testing. (Except on cute little white bunny rabbits, of course.)

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  9. wow bill, first you “out” an emergent “thought leader”.

    then you define a wing of evangelical experience as “home” and beckon someone to it.

    now, it appears you’ve been studying Jay Leno or some bar comedian.

    All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

    —Arthur Schopenhauer, German philosopher (1788 – 1860)

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  10. Bob, I'm gonna take that as an order for some of our Newbigin's Own Missional Anger Management Juice – guaranteed to calm the nerves and sooth the mind. You sound like you could use a case.

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  11. I’d sign on, but I strongly suspect that any Missional line of products is big on industry advertising and distributor development but never results in any actual products being shipped to the customers.

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  12. I want to hear customer testimonials!

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  13. Patrick, Patrick, Patrick,
    I can assure you that we have HUNDREDS OF PRODUCTS in development. All just waiting for the distribution network to be in place. And while we are waiting for the network to be fully up and functioning, we have all kinds of courses for you to take at very reasonable prices that will help you become the Missional Level Marketing Leader God has designed you to be. You might be interested in our Newbigin's Own "Foolishness to the Greeks and Kinda Stupid to Some of You Too" Level One courses.

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  14. Patrick, we'll get those customer testimonials up just as soon as Fitch finishes writing them. Apparently he's working on a sermon, or lecture, or blog post, or something. (And he hasn't sent me back the signed contract accepting his position with M®L®M® yet either. Sheesh.)

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  15. Patrick, I’ve tried ’em and haven’t died yet. That’s muh testimonial, and I’m stickin’ with it!

    Wait, you guyz working on hairdyez? Would like to make that my niche. (Am I too late for platinum blonde level, Sonja?) And temporary cross-cultural tattoos … back to mono-cultural in a month.

    Man, haven’t been this excited about MLM in, like, forever! Makes me feel like I’m in chuuuch!

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  16. Yes friends, Brad is the mad scientist in the back rooms of M®L®M®. He's not known as the Futurist Guy for nothin'. He's being a little disingenuous when he suggests he doesn't know what we are developing. Most of our PRODUCTS IN DEVELOPMENT® have the imprimatur of Mr. Sargent – former boy genius – now middle-aged-man genius.

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  17. But what does the shampoo DO?

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  18. Our marketing department will get back to you on that, Ben. As soon as their leader signs his stinking contract. I almost feel like I'm dealing with @fakefitch.

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  19. I think that was “folically-challenged” ? But actually, some of us are now POST-Missional Shampoo and thinking about the NEXT GREAT THING (NGT- not to be confused with BHAGs). Yes, we want to be the NEXT WAVE, note the harmonics in that metaphor.. HAIR.. WAVE… (see also my article “CAN PROPHETS MAKE A PROFIT and STILL BE MISSIONAL?”)

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  20. Len,
    You’re going to have to take the marketing misspeak up with your Cascadia rep, Ron Cole. Sorry.

    And as a futurist’s futurist, you are too far ahead of us to make any money. But don’t worry. We WILL copy all your ideas and use them in ten years, claiming them as our very own.

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  21. Dear Mr. Kinnon,

    Thank you for answering my concerns. I have a couple more. Friends using related products have informed me that the ingredients listed in such items are not the actual ingredients the products contain. I have allergies to a good many artificial chemicals which sometimes make me break out in rage and/or hives. Are there any ‘secret’ ingredients I should watch out for.

    Also, how will your products integrate with my various Apple products?

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  22. Mr. Oden [… shhhhh! M®L®M® doesn’t list the real ingredients so no one will steal our methods and models!]

    Thank you for your concern.

    I’m sure the FANTASTICAL product lines will integrate perfectly with your Apple, as we do offer editions with Apple, Blackberry, PiePod, and other all-natural fruit essences. And several M®L®M® Secret Sauce versions are in development [shhhhh!] for those now using wireless connection at Mickey D’s.

    Sincerely,
    (witness my non-imature imprimatur)
    brad
    MLMmad scientist developer
    and cultural analyst
    [of molds and models]

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  23. Ben,
    It’s not about DOing, it’s about BEing.

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  24. Bill,
    Well if it’s not organic, then I don’t know. I’ve heard that is the only authentic expression of missional shampoo.

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  25. Linda, FuturistGuy Brad is busy working at the sub-atomic level on our products messing with String Theory and all kinds of other cool stuff I don't understand. It may not be organic, but it is truly sub-organic. Trust me. We are going down deep. Into little tiny spaces.

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  26. humor is a funny thing

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  27. I’m so glad I’ve already been promised the greater DC area. It’s going to go like hotcakes. This place is a hotbed for the latest in new, new, new and trendy.

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  28. I think you should carve out Clark County in SW Washington for your abbess … you know, that other Vancouver ;^)

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  29. Peggy, you know how much I love so I will have to work this out with Ron Cole. Perhaps I can give him Calgary as compensation.

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  30. Could be hard to maintain prophets when your foundation is an open secret.

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  31. Thanks for your consideration.

    Reply

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